Love Me Hate Me

People tell me I have an amazing gift of intuition.

The gift to be able to see right through people and know just who they really are.

Without even meeting someone ( sometimes ) I can call them out. I’ve done this time and again, and never thought much of it. I have yet to be wrong.

Just chalked it up to knowing people, knowing how to read them.

I believe this is why people mostly either love me or hate me.

No in-between, because you’ll love me if your not living a lie. If you have nothing to hide.

But you will mostly hate me if you’re hiding something. As I don’t fold into peoples bullshit, I cant play along. I call it like I see it. And these people call me an asshole, they hate for the lie to be exposed, and even though they themselves know its a lie they live it and no one wants the wind to knock down the house of cards they spent so much time building.

The script of their lies I have choose not to play apart of:

My Brother in-law likes to play: The perfect husband and father, but really hes just a lazy fuck, that has never parented a day in his life. If your kids play you and laugh at you and your wife wont sleep with you, come on?!

My brothers wife likes to play: The role of the fairy tale romance and marriage, but really she trapped my brother into marrying her, and they fight all the time. I mean I say they’ll end up divorced for a reason, several in fact! You cant move your husband in with your mother and think a marriage will work?!

My Mother likes to play: The role of the poor sad hard life, abused and unwanted, when really she is an abuser, liar and awful mother and wife. Far to lazy to make the change she cries to people she wants yet life has offered her 100 times over. You dug your own hole now work to get out of it or stay there and die!

They don’t know anything about me yet don’t like me because I choose to call them out.

Now don’t get me wrong I keep my mouth shut most of the time. Which I bet my closest friends don’t even realize since I am so open with my thoughts, but really I do try and censor myself. I don’t set out to hurt anyone, to be “mean”.

How do you sit around and watch this everyday, to play along? I cant do it. I just cant! Why is it so wrong to just own it. To just throw your hands up and admit it and move on. And why do so many others just sit back and play along with them.

The people who don’t like me, never say anything to my face. They just weakly “talk shit” behind my back, funny thing is I can read them, I can hear it without actually hearing it.

 I think this is because there’s nothing that can be said to hurt me. I am who I am,  I own it. I am perfectly imperfect. And I’m okay with that.

One of my favorite sayings is…

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So here’s to the haters…

Keep on hating, I don’t care.

Regards!

And its only Wednesday

Its only Wednesday and this week has already hung me out to dry on a stormy day.

Let me begin with the beginning…

Sunday, Tank my beloved car of 14 years has come to break down. A first for her, only the 2nd car I’ve ever owned. My first car lost to a drugged out idiot running a stop sign and nearly killing me and my 2 children. Oh Tank, how I love this car. A 1997 Camry this has been a great car never needing anymore than basic maintenance in the last decade and a half.

She has failed inspection twice now, and has begun to hemorrhage everything. Just to be able to maybe pass inspection and stop the bleeding of fluids we are talking $800.00, but Tank needs a total overhaul nearing 7-8 grand.

What to do? Do you fix it? Is she worth it? I think so only because I’ve formed an attachment to her, as I do with most things, and I don’t like change at all, ever! To buy a new car or newer car will cost the same as it is to fix her but nearly 20 years old she is, well I just don’t know. This has me up nights.

Monday, I made no money in June not even half what I spent on supplies. Hubs is displeased by this, wants me to stop.

Making me talk of pulling out of my rental space. I am displeased. Though as of today I’ve decided no change will be made and June was just a hard month and he has no understanding of retail.

Tuesday, Mr. Crabs has passed. A hermit crab I bought for my middle son (at his request) for his birthday 3 years ago. This silly lil crab I’ve cared for and spoken to everyday for 3 years, I realize now I’ve come to love it, and am down about this. No pets I tell you loving and losing them is to hard! Even a silly Hermit Crab. The kids still have no idea hes gone, but like I said he was taken care of by me only, not even my husband has noticed or maybe he did and in the man way just said nothing. Kind of like when I dyed my hair purple.

Wednesday, Today…what shall you bring? What change shall you try to press on me? Why must it always be something?

For now I will try to remember…

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https://www.facebook.com/jerseygypsypeddler

Regards!