40 is Fine

“40 is fine when you look 29.”

40th birthday

Ill be turning the big 4 0 this week. This Sunday to be exact. June 5th. A Sunday my favorite day of the week.

But unlike a TV show, there will be no gathering of friends and family to celebrate me. No surprise cake and singing, no tears of joy at the overwhelming show of affection for me.

My own husband wont even remember. I’m sure, or maybe he will but he sure as hell wont do a thing to show me. He hasn’t in years, a lacking small gesture that cuts me deep every year. I mean really is a small cake so hard to get for your wife?

And friends, well I have none. Everyone, I’ve ever let into my life has used and abused this thing called friendship. And I have locked out all of them and vowed not to bring anyone new it to replace them. People just disappoint and hurt you and I’ve finally reached a point in my life where I don’t and wont allow it. Now, none of the people I do call “Friend” are so close they’d think to pop in with a cake. And the 2 people I do have that I call friends that might do this work hard all day on Sundays to support themselves, and their children and couldn’t even if they wanted to.

Family, well again none that would do a thing to celebrate me, betting my own mother doesn’t even remember its her first born child’s 40th birthday. No, she’ll probably roll out of bed at 1 pm and make sure see feeds her animals on Farmville though. My husbands family well they might remember but not liking or knowing me enough to know this 1 year Id rather not share my birthday with anyone else (my husband and mother in-laws b-days are days after mine and we always get jammed together) and definitely not in a hot way over crowded house where half the people there don’t even like me. No Id rather just stay home and fold laundry and dwell in my own self pity.

I don’t think its wrong to want this day, this one year to be just mine, to have my favorite cake, to be surprised and celebrated.

But hell like I said my life is not a tv show, No cards in the mail, no balloons or cake just like every other year. Other than the half hearted, Facebook happy birthdays from the hand full of people I’m actually friends with on Facebook, only remembering because Facebook reminded them. I don’t expect anything else.

It makes me sad. Not because no one remembered or because no one did anything but more because I wanted it.

In the end, its not important. I don’t really get over it but I do get past it. In the end 40 is just a number, its just another year I made it through.

In the end 40 is just fine, after all I really do only look 29.

My online Shop/s

Today I opened an Artfire shop. A second online shop for me. My Etsy shop being my first well established. Right now my Artfire shop is a showcase shop. The place I’m listing my favorite charm bangles. If I should decide to keep both shops, I think the Artfire shop will remain strictly a bangle shop.

Why open a second shop you ask?

Well that’s a story and a half. But I can break it down to 3 reasons. The first being yesterday I also had my second huge issue with Etsy and their lack of protection and willingness to help and understand a sellers needs and problems.

First, Yesterday, I reached out to Etsy because I was hoping a review could be edited to reflect a return. From what I understood Etsy could do this and I need only ask and explain why. I let my customer know Id do the return after I heard back from etsy but just this one time since after all she had bought this necklace 7 months ago.

Etsy didn’t answer me, they instead, went into my convo with my customer and THAN  told me they were going to close my shop because I threaten to not do a return, unless she edited the review. The review she gave wasn’t even bad! Now you cant edit a review or even leave one after 2 moths its been several. No. I never told or asked for my customer to edit review and in the messages I clearly say I was going to do the return but I couldn’t do it till I hear back from (Incase there was some special thing I needed to do to get the return noted), I just wanted to get some answers from Etsy first. I think if a return is done, the sale should reflect that, its that simple. But Etsy took a bullshit stand refused to and still has not answered my questions and continues to tell me I threaten my customer.

Personally I feel a bit violated as well going into my messages like that?! I mean really if my customer had a problem I think she would have reached out to Etsy but I’m the one who did.

Second, reason is much simpler. I want to reach more people. And after a day of checking things out my items stand out on Artfire there is hardly anyone there with what I have.

Third, I blogged about this when it happen. Etsy has one set of rules for some people and another for the rest of us. Case in point, my shop was threaten shut down last year for a day because I listed a Hello Kitty charm bangle. There was than and still are today 1000’s listed. I bought the charms on etsy and made them into a charm bangle. Yet I was for lack or a better word targeted and removed for this “Copyright Violation”. When I asked ” What The Fuck?!”  I was ignored. I asked for 10 days straight Why? Why are the others still up? Why me? Why??? And to this day I still have no answer I was however told I could keep my shop back but if I listed the item again I would be shut down for good.

Now I know there are some people that would say I should not have blogged about this. That Etsy would take my shop down because of it, but that would farther my point and Im mad as hell over it, and its hard to see through all that red.

Maybe you’ve can relate to this. Maybe you can see the struggle a online small business women had/has. Maybe nothing and you just wanted to read a blog where someone was venting. Whatever the reason thanks for stopping by and letting me vent a little..

https://www.artfire.com/ext/shop/home/JerseyGypsyPeddler

https://www.etsy.com/shop/JerseyGypsyEtsyShop?ref=hdr_shop_menu

https://www.facebook.com/jerseygypsypeddler/

Regards!

I was loved by the woods…

If I told you I grew up poor, you might picture Charlie living in a shack and 4 people sleeping in one bed.

That was far from the case.

Nope, I grew up in the same shit box tiny 3 bedroom 1 bath ranch style home, as everyone else of the time

(that time being the late 70s’ into the 80s)

But my home life was unlike any one else’s I knew of, with the abuse and lack of needed things for me being my secret shame.

Mostly because my mother was/is a selfish person, a person that blamed me for her own short comings, a person who hid food and went out drinking instead of keeping her home and caring for her children.

I often found myself staying in the near by woods, comforted by the trees, laying in the earth.

I felt safe there. It felt more like home than in my own bed of fear just across the street in that house.

The sun loved me as it peeked through the trees and warmed my cheeks with its kisses.

The smell of pine needles was my perfume, the rustling of the leaves in the trees all around was my music.

Today as I take much pride in cleaning my own home with the windows wide open, the fresh new Fall air blowing through. I hear my children giggling down the hall, I am glad I am a better person than my mother. I am glad they are loved. That they have all the need and most of what they want. It takes a sacrifice to live like this. To give to them before myself. it is never easy.

I still carry anger for my mother, I hate that house.

But it does not take from my life as some people tell me to let it go, I do not want to forget or forgive.

I couldn’t forget even if I tried for the breeze brings back my days of my home in the woods, among the trees.

I can be having the worst day and a walk in the woods can make it all better. I feel safe there, untouchable.

So I say maybe its magic

Regards!