40 is Fine

“40 is fine when you look 29.”

40th birthday

Ill be turning the big 4 0 this week. This Sunday to be exact. June 5th. A Sunday my favorite day of the week.

But unlike a TV show, there will be no gathering of friends and family to celebrate me. No surprise cake and singing, no tears of joy at the overwhelming show of affection for me.

My own husband wont even remember. I’m sure, or maybe he will but he sure as hell wont do a thing to show me. He hasn’t in years, a lacking small gesture that cuts me deep every year. I mean really is a small cake so hard to get for your wife?

And friends, well I have none. Everyone, I’ve ever let into my life has used and abused this thing called friendship. And I have locked out all of them and vowed not to bring anyone new it to replace them. People just disappoint and hurt you and I’ve finally reached a point in my life where I don’t and wont allow it. Now, none of the people I do call “Friend” are so close they’d think to pop in with a cake. And the 2 people I do have that I call friends that might do this work hard all day on Sundays to support themselves, and their children and couldn’t even if they wanted to.

Family, well again none that would do a thing to celebrate me, betting my own mother doesn’t even remember its her first born child’s 40th birthday. No, she’ll probably roll out of bed at 1 pm and make sure see feeds her animals on Farmville though. My husbands family well they might remember but not liking or knowing me enough to know this 1 year Id rather not share my birthday with anyone else (my husband and mother in-laws b-days are days after mine and we always get jammed together) and definitely not in a hot way over crowded house where half the people there don’t even like me. No Id rather just stay home and fold laundry and dwell in my own self pity.

I don’t think its wrong to want this day, this one year to be just mine, to have my favorite cake, to be surprised and celebrated.

But hell like I said my life is not a tv show, No cards in the mail, no balloons or cake just like every other year. Other than the half hearted, Facebook happy birthdays from the hand full of people I’m actually friends with on Facebook, only remembering because Facebook reminded them. I don’t expect anything else.

It makes me sad. Not because no one remembered or because no one did anything but more because I wanted it.

In the end, its not important. I don’t really get over it but I do get past it. In the end 40 is just a number, its just another year I made it through.

In the end 40 is just fine, after all I really do only look 29.

A Trip NOT A Vacation

I don’t think people really understand the difference between a “trip” and a “vacation”.

A vacation would be where I sleep in everyday. Have good, no great food, poolside, while working on my tan for seven days straight.

A “trip”, which is what going to Disney World is, is more like a marathon.

I just got back from my third week long “trip” to Orlando. I never once slept past 6am, even on the nights when we got back from the park after midnight and wasn’t in bed till 2am. I need a vacation to recover from my “trip”!

This was however the first time I felt at home there. I knew where everything was, what I was in for, where to go and what to see, without having to check a map.

Our condo, at our resort, is on Disney property. It is only 15 minutes from EVERYTHING! Every park even Sea World and Universal, from the airport and all the Disney parks and Shopping, 1 block from any food store, or eatery, and the tons of discount Disney crap stores, you now the faux stuff. Even when traffic is bad and come 7-8am it gets bad.

The week went like this:

Arrival in Orlando from Atlantic City NJ 10:30pm, bags, rental car, condo check in, Walmart food shopping (ugh yes it was the only thing open at this by now 1am), than back to the condo in bed 2:30am

Day 1 Sunday: Magic Kingdom (do not go to this park on weekends!)

Day 2 Monday: Epcot (wine and food fest, oh the drunks were many)

Day 3 Tuesday: Animal Kingdom (An easy park that can be conquered in one day) Gave in and bought a stroller for my son, nearly 6, he couldn’t take the walking anymore.

Day 4 Wednesday: We call this our “day off” but it really isn’t much of that. Downtown Disney (now Disney Springs) Shopping so much to see, lunch, pool, dinner, bed.

Day 5 Thursday: Universal Studios and Islands of Adventure, but really we only did Seuss Landing and all the Harry Potter we could. (ps: Im dying to go back without my kids, and totally fan-girl all the Harry Potter, and dress up, ride everything, eat, take tons of pics and live the fantasy there ASAP!)

Day 6 Friday: MGM, now Hollywood Studios. Oh The Tower of Terror! and Pixar, pretty much all we did! But this is a great park, one of the smaller parks, if planned out right, you can do this park in a day as well.

Day 7 Saturday: Checking out early am, late Flight home so back to Magic Kingdom (again don’t do this park on a weekend!)

tried to get a few things we hadn’t or couldn’t do on day one, left 5 hours earlier than needed, we were just too beat! So off to 5 hours at the airport., Home by 10:30pm well really home at 11:30pm after the hour drive from the airport.

My feet hurt and swelled everyday.

I was beyond tired everyday.

The food, well its not bad, but its not good either everyday.

The cost, OMG the cost of everything, everyday.

And still Im dying to go back! Two years till our time share rolls around again seems like a life time. But it takes that long to save to go, and costs only go up. Still I want badly to scoop up my daughter and/or husband who couldn’t go this trip, and go to Harry Potter world for a weekend before that.

I will leave you with some advice, if you’ve never gone before and plan to.

Set the bar low, hell don’t even set it, leave it on the ground. You cant do or see it all, you’ll end up upset, missing things, and frustrated. Large groups make the trip harder. Though the parks are so very accommodating to larger groups, everyone wants to do something different and you end up wasting time trying to figure out what to do, and where to meet. You are going to stand on line half your day. So get fast pass for the 3 things you can (there’s and app for that before you even go!) Pick the things you most want to do or see and do it, everything else well you’ll have to go back, trust me, I’ve been to Magic Kingdom 5 times and have yet to see and do it all.

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Regards!

Love Me Hate Me

People tell me I have an amazing gift of intuition.

The gift to be able to see right through people and know just who they really are.

Without even meeting someone ( sometimes ) I can call them out. I’ve done this time and again, and never thought much of it. I have yet to be wrong.

Just chalked it up to knowing people, knowing how to read them.

I believe this is why people mostly either love me or hate me.

No in-between, because you’ll love me if your not living a lie. If you have nothing to hide.

But you will mostly hate me if you’re hiding something. As I don’t fold into peoples bullshit, I cant play along. I call it like I see it. And these people call me an asshole, they hate for the lie to be exposed, and even though they themselves know its a lie they live it and no one wants the wind to knock down the house of cards they spent so much time building.

The script of their lies I have choose not to play apart of:

My Brother in-law likes to play: The perfect husband and father, but really hes just a lazy fuck, that has never parented a day in his life. If your kids play you and laugh at you and your wife wont sleep with you, come on?!

My brothers wife likes to play: The role of the fairy tale romance and marriage, but really she trapped my brother into marrying her, and they fight all the time. I mean I say they’ll end up divorced for a reason, several in fact! You cant move your husband in with your mother and think a marriage will work?!

My Mother likes to play: The role of the poor sad hard life, abused and unwanted, when really she is an abuser, liar and awful mother and wife. Far to lazy to make the change she cries to people she wants yet life has offered her 100 times over. You dug your own hole now work to get out of it or stay there and die!

They don’t know anything about me yet don’t like me because I choose to call them out.

Now don’t get me wrong I keep my mouth shut most of the time. Which I bet my closest friends don’t even realize since I am so open with my thoughts, but really I do try and censor myself. I don’t set out to hurt anyone, to be “mean”.

How do you sit around and watch this everyday, to play along? I cant do it. I just cant! Why is it so wrong to just own it. To just throw your hands up and admit it and move on. And why do so many others just sit back and play along with them.

The people who don’t like me, never say anything to my face. They just weakly “talk shit” behind my back, funny thing is I can read them, I can hear it without actually hearing it.

 I think this is because there’s nothing that can be said to hurt me. I am who I am,  I own it. I am perfectly imperfect. And I’m okay with that.

One of my favorite sayings is…

once-youve-accepted-your-flaws-no-one-can-unknown

So here’s to the haters…

Keep on hating, I don’t care.

Regards!

Im Not Kidding

It took all I had not to choke the life out of this kid while smacking the shit out of her at the same time.

This 17 year old girl, picking a fight and attempting to hurt my 5 year old son.

(And she would have hurt him if no one was looking , than lied to cover her ass.)

Fighting over a chair. Not taking the high road any properly raised teenager would have taken and moved to any of the several other empty seats. Nope she choose to force her weight on him, shove her elbow into him and try to hurt him. She told me to “Fuck Off” as I told them both to stop. Me being the only adult in the room watching to say anything.

Ahhh… the weekly Sunday dinner at my Mother In-Laws house.

How I came to marry into such a passive group of people is beyond me!

My niece, the self entitled, self righteous lil Bitch.

She didn’t start out this way. Nearly killed by her birth mother along with her sister and than ultimately a 3rd sister adopted into this family. She was quiet and reserved. A beautiful girl.

Now, she and her 2 sisters have become part of a generation of get me/give me kids. Princess Syndrome. Never having been disciplined, or taught right from wrong. Never once ever having been told “No“.

They don’t ask, they tell. They think nothing of telling anyone to “Fuck Off“. Like that’s the answer to all of life, to getting your way. I must have missed the memo of this.

 But as children of course they’d think this. To say this to an adult challenging you, more offend by the fact that someone actually told them “No”, than by the fact that they are acting childish, and behaving badly.

Oh how I smile at the thought of “Life” steam rolling them. How sad they will be when they find out life is about being told no, and than sucking it up and moving on. The “You want fries with that?” and “My welfare check doesn’t cover all the clothes I want.”  These phares they will surley have to say through-out their lives.

Raised by Parents Pre-Diem. Always at the over whelmed and drained sitters house.

This is what you get…

They are all in the running to become Miss Future Asshole of America.

 Now of course she and well most of this family have come to dis-like me. I say it how it is. I speak my mind. I will talk to your children the same damn way I talk to mine. If your not going to parent them someone should!

And 17 is still a child. Clearly, picking a fight with a 5 year old is childish. And only someone so self absorbed as to take a car from their birth parent who nearly killed them as a toddler would do this. My birth mother nearly killed me, and I wont even take an apology from this women. But than again I don’t have my head up my own ass.

Now I bet you wonder if this makes going to Sunday dinner uncomfortable for me?

Nope not in the least as I have over the last 16 years laid into 1 or more of these kids, for 1 or more offences when an adult has needed to step in and do or say something and no one else did. And I don’t go for them. I go for my Mother and Father In-Law. I love them. These are good, no scratch that, these are amazing people.

And we wont be joining for Sunday dinner for at least the next 2 Sundays, as its that time of year where we have plans of our own. And with my husband working Saturdays now, Sunday is our only family day. By the time we go back everyone will have settled into pretending that they sat and did nothing as this adult child picked on a toddler. The key word here “pretend”, as they talk shit behind my back, never daring to confront me to my face, spineless really, but also pointless as I know I did nothing wrong telling that girl to “stop” and nothing more, and her telling me to “Fuck Off”.

Ill close with this.

I don’t forgive. I don’t forget.

This kind of thing sticks to my core. 20 years from now this will still piss me off.

But I wont lose any sleep over it.

https://www.facebook.com/jerseygypsypeddler

Regards!