40 is Fine

“40 is fine when you look 29.”

40th birthday

Ill be turning the big 4 0 this week. This Sunday to be exact. June 5th. A Sunday my favorite day of the week.

But unlike a TV show, there will be no gathering of friends and family to celebrate me. No surprise cake and singing, no tears of joy at the overwhelming show of affection for me.

My own husband wont even remember. I’m sure, or maybe he will but he sure as hell wont do a thing to show me. He hasn’t in years, a lacking small gesture that cuts me deep every year. I mean really is a small cake so hard to get for your wife?

And friends, well I have none. Everyone, I’ve ever let into my life has used and abused this thing called friendship. And I have locked out all of them and vowed not to bring anyone new it to replace them. People just disappoint and hurt you and I’ve finally reached a point in my life where I don’t and wont allow it. Now, none of the people I do call “Friend” are so close they’d think to pop in with a cake. And the 2 people I do have that I call friends that might do this work hard all day on Sundays to support themselves, and their children and couldn’t even if they wanted to.

Family, well again none that would do a thing to celebrate me, betting my own mother doesn’t even remember its her first born child’s 40th birthday. No, she’ll probably roll out of bed at 1 pm and make sure see feeds her animals on Farmville though. My husbands family well they might remember but not liking or knowing me enough to know this 1 year Id rather not share my birthday with anyone else (my husband and mother in-laws b-days are days after mine and we always get jammed together) and definitely not in a hot way over crowded house where half the people there don’t even like me. No Id rather just stay home and fold laundry and dwell in my own self pity.

I don’t think its wrong to want this day, this one year to be just mine, to have my favorite cake, to be surprised and celebrated.

But hell like I said my life is not a tv show, No cards in the mail, no balloons or cake just like every other year. Other than the half hearted, Facebook happy birthdays from the hand full of people I’m actually friends with on Facebook, only remembering because Facebook reminded them. I don’t expect anything else.

It makes me sad. Not because no one remembered or because no one did anything but more because I wanted it.

In the end, its not important. I don’t really get over it but I do get past it. In the end 40 is just a number, its just another year I made it through.

In the end 40 is just fine, after all I really do only look 29.

A real housewife in New Jersey

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I hate the term housewife. I hate it even more so since these beyond ridiculous shows about women acting like high school children have come out.

 I am so much more than a “housewife”. I am keeper of all things. Money to lost shoes. I am plumber and IT specialist. I am mom and maid. Taxi driver and Escort. If you can think up anything a women could possibly be, yeah I am or have played that role at one point or another.

But you’re never going to find camera following me or me basking in 15 minutes of fame at any point, because the truth is a “Real Housewife”, well her life sucks, its not anything anyone would want to watch. I mean really, would you want to see me blogging in my spare time, washing laundry and cursing at my 6 year old after he just poured every bottle of everything he could find in my master bathroom down the drain?

Or maybe you want to see me trying (“Trying”) to run my online Etsy shop, and carve out something for myself and my future.

Even my marriage. Purely perfect compared to the dysfunction of what is on TV. We don’t even fight about the money we don’t have. 17 years and not one fight.

To be honest. I think the only thing TV worthy in my life would be me tripping on the treadmill. And though funny as it is, and it is funny. This too is maybe only worth 2 minutes of TV fame.

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So there is it, the quick and simple of Me. A Housewife in New Jersey.

Living just another day in paradise.

ps: Is spring break over yet? can my kids go back to school!!??

Regards!

Moving On?

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In December of 2015 I decided, I could no longer handle the disappointment of the people I was allowing in my life. People I called friends even though I realize now, as I knew but didn’t want to admit than, that they never were.

You know the ones. They never text you first, or ever. If they do they text an “lol” as a blow off response to really anything you send. You could have texted “My cat died” and these people would send “lol” in response. Or you always say “lets get together”, they response “yeah sounds great”, you go a step farther to “how about dinner next Saturday?” and they never answer, because “sorry cant” leads to you asking them when they’re free and they don’t want to be free, for you.

Here is the story of how ending this kind of bs and burning bridges has gone for me so far.

#1. Lets call her A. A had no phone, and I was her friend. Now she didn’t ask but excepted my offer to add her to my phone plan and she would pay the bill for her line every month. Fast forward 2 years. She never paid it, late fees and over charges piled up to the tune of her line costing me over $500 for the 2 years. A never texted me either, she never made any effort to keep up with me, “her friend”. And so I, with fair warning because I am not an asshole told her, I had to drop her line. She said okay, and that’s the last I ever heard from her.

#2. Lets call her S. S was someone I loved to hang out with. Even with her drama filled life being something I couldn’t stand, I loved her. I did nothing for her but be her friend, and confidant. All I wanted in return was the same thing. But as for toxic people with toxic lives S was/is Queen. A drug addict boyfriend and husband and a few other side pieces, a welfare con-artist, drunken, drug abuser herself. I looked past it all and I, again found I was always the one to say “lets hang out, lets go to the thrift store, lets go to lunch, come by for coffee”, and always to no answer or a blow off. Last I spoke to her I told her I haven’t heard from her in months, she replied with how her drama filled life was busy, yet failed to ever speak to me again. (ok she really gave me an excuse about how she has no help and had uprooted her kids yet again, the 4th time in as many years, I wonder how you can uproot someone who has never had any roots to begin with?) I think to myself that Id have helped if she had said she needed it… And again another bridge burned to the ground.

#3 Lets call them J&V. J&V are my kind of people. But turns out J is mister popular and if your not family or famous no time can be made for you. J didn’t like being told that I was sick of being blown off all the time. Making me explain in full detail what it means to blow someone off. I simply referred to my last dinner invite and how I was told yeah maybe let me get back to you, but alas nothing came and I had enough.

This is what it was. This is what I kept thinking having friends is like you put up with this hurtful shit.

Turns out, friendship is me making dinner plans for 5 friends, but no one, but two people show up. Those two, they came despite my many attempts to cancel, they showed up ontime and were happy to see me. Friendship is the message you find in your inbox that’s simply says “what’s up chicky?” Out of no where for no reason just a quik check in with you, even though she worked 13 hours that day came home to a messy house, of 4 kids plus a 5th she just took in, a single mom who lost her husband not long ago. She made time to check in with you, just to say hi.

Now that you “kinda” know the story of #1, 2 & 3. Can you believe I struggle daily with NOT reaching out to them? I don’t know why. I really don’t want them back in my life but I feel haunted like I should. Maybe its just the routine of it, I have after all been doing it for so long.

Is this the human condition to want people in our lives no matter what toll it takes on our own souls? If it is I cant understand. My life is not without people. I have a great husband, 3 kids, a big family. I have the 2 friends, true friends I have monthly plans with. I work, keep a very nice home, and I fill my time a lot with exercise. (along with a thousand other things)

The real kicker is…After I made the choice to just stop and let go of these (and a few other people) in my life, I have noticed doors open I didn’t see before. I guess I was so busy holding up both sides of so many relationships, I couldn’t see through the mess. I am angry. I missed out on so much. I can see it all so very clearly now.

But can I ever let go? Let go completely? So these people wont come to mind anymore. I don’t think so. I think I’m too mad. I think I’m entitled to be mad, at them and at myself.

I honestly feel no matter what you do a part of you is always trapped in the past, unable to move on from it. I believe some pieces of you remain so troubled it will haunt you for the rest of your life.

But these pieces also shape who we are, and they change choices we make in the future.

Will I ever find myself unhappy with the people I allow into my life again? Probably.

But for now its a very clean slate.

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So there is it…

Regards!

A Trip NOT A Vacation

I don’t think people really understand the difference between a “trip” and a “vacation”.

A vacation would be where I sleep in everyday. Have good, no great food, poolside, while working on my tan for seven days straight.

A “trip”, which is what going to Disney World is, is more like a marathon.

I just got back from my third week long “trip” to Orlando. I never once slept past 6am, even on the nights when we got back from the park after midnight and wasn’t in bed till 2am. I need a vacation to recover from my “trip”!

This was however the first time I felt at home there. I knew where everything was, what I was in for, where to go and what to see, without having to check a map.

Our condo, at our resort, is on Disney property. It is only 15 minutes from EVERYTHING! Every park even Sea World and Universal, from the airport and all the Disney parks and Shopping, 1 block from any food store, or eatery, and the tons of discount Disney crap stores, you now the faux stuff. Even when traffic is bad and come 7-8am it gets bad.

The week went like this:

Arrival in Orlando from Atlantic City NJ 10:30pm, bags, rental car, condo check in, Walmart food shopping (ugh yes it was the only thing open at this by now 1am), than back to the condo in bed 2:30am

Day 1 Sunday: Magic Kingdom (do not go to this park on weekends!)

Day 2 Monday: Epcot (wine and food fest, oh the drunks were many)

Day 3 Tuesday: Animal Kingdom (An easy park that can be conquered in one day) Gave in and bought a stroller for my son, nearly 6, he couldn’t take the walking anymore.

Day 4 Wednesday: We call this our “day off” but it really isn’t much of that. Downtown Disney (now Disney Springs) Shopping so much to see, lunch, pool, dinner, bed.

Day 5 Thursday: Universal Studios and Islands of Adventure, but really we only did Seuss Landing and all the Harry Potter we could. (ps: Im dying to go back without my kids, and totally fan-girl all the Harry Potter, and dress up, ride everything, eat, take tons of pics and live the fantasy there ASAP!)

Day 6 Friday: MGM, now Hollywood Studios. Oh The Tower of Terror! and Pixar, pretty much all we did! But this is a great park, one of the smaller parks, if planned out right, you can do this park in a day as well.

Day 7 Saturday: Checking out early am, late Flight home so back to Magic Kingdom (again don’t do this park on a weekend!)

tried to get a few things we hadn’t or couldn’t do on day one, left 5 hours earlier than needed, we were just too beat! So off to 5 hours at the airport., Home by 10:30pm well really home at 11:30pm after the hour drive from the airport.

My feet hurt and swelled everyday.

I was beyond tired everyday.

The food, well its not bad, but its not good either everyday.

The cost, OMG the cost of everything, everyday.

And still Im dying to go back! Two years till our time share rolls around again seems like a life time. But it takes that long to save to go, and costs only go up. Still I want badly to scoop up my daughter and/or husband who couldn’t go this trip, and go to Harry Potter world for a weekend before that.

I will leave you with some advice, if you’ve never gone before and plan to.

Set the bar low, hell don’t even set it, leave it on the ground. You cant do or see it all, you’ll end up upset, missing things, and frustrated. Large groups make the trip harder. Though the parks are so very accommodating to larger groups, everyone wants to do something different and you end up wasting time trying to figure out what to do, and where to meet. You are going to stand on line half your day. So get fast pass for the 3 things you can (there’s and app for that before you even go!) Pick the things you most want to do or see and do it, everything else well you’ll have to go back, trust me, I’ve been to Magic Kingdom 5 times and have yet to see and do it all.

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Regards!

DIY

I’ve always been a do it myself kinda girl.

But I’ve been getting my nails done since I was 15 years old (I’m 39 now fyi), by someone else. The last 10 years I had a great guy I just love doing them, and he was spot on perfect at it.

Wellllllll….he just moved out of state. And it had crushed me that after he went I saw two other people and HATED how they did them. I’m talking full on panic attack, omg you’ve ruined them hate here!

That’s where my do it yourself girl from inside took over.

I went out and spent, well lets just say A LOT on everything I needed. But in the long run this will save tons and tons.

I set out to do them the way I like them, thick, fake, squared off at the tip.

And I’m proud to say in under an hour, and in my husbands sweats (huge bonus right there)

I was able to get just what I wanted, just the way I like, no scratch that LOVE, them.

To me this is perfect a French Gel Overlay over my real nail, no tips. A perfect set of fake nails, and yes the other hand is just as perfect (lol)

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I couldn’t be happier!

ps: I have 3 years of cosmetology school under my belt from my fresh out of high school years. So I don’t wanna say run right out and spend the kind of money I did on every thing from a drill and light to gels and files and ect ect.

But I can fully attest that gels are a very easy product to work with, and with the bonus colors or any kind and fills whenever you need and well not leaving the house this winter, I am very happy about all this!

Regards!

And now I’ll do whats best for me

Just because something is simple, does not mean its going to  be easy.

Change, for example, is never easy for me.

But sometimes you have to. You have to just put your foot down, and say “enough!”

October is going to bring some big changes for me, making them is what’s best for me.

It started with removing the 2 people I had put on my phone plan that were not paying their share $50 a month, over 2 and 3 years! Well yes it added up ($100 times 24 and/or more months) and yes I’m friggin stupid for putting them on in the first place, but I thought that’s what you did helped friends out with whatever you could. I was used. Neither one of these people texted me, or did anything for that matter to keep up their end of the friendship. I was a door mat. Both could go ahead and buy their smokes, weed and booze, yet could not cough up the money to cover the cell bill.

And I suffered sometimes giving up food to cover the bill.

I put up with it never saying one word, so it is no ones fault but my own that I allowed this to carry on for so longer.

And neither, now with their new numbers, texted to give me that number.

Friends? No definitely not!

Now of course I didn’t even just shut them off I gave them both 2 weeks notice that I would do it, and not a word on it.

I bet good money all they could think was “Damn that sucks free rides are great!”

But still not a word from them, and I’m done reaching out. I’m done being a doormat, a free ride, a rainy day friend.

I am better than that. I deserve better than that.

I’m going to carry this over to everyone in my life. if you want me in your life, reach out to me 1st for once.

Otherwise, you are never going to hear from me again.

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Regards!

Back to Blogging: August

Well, today I find myself strong enough to write again.

Not having blogged much at all since the beginning of July.

My vision, you see is failing. Out of no where, Im going blind. Im not sure why but the doctor thinks its an underlying immune disorder or thyroid problem Only time and my blood work will tell so Ill wait to see.

Ill sit and wait and deal. All the while asking why me? And repeatedly saying this can not be happening.

Ill deal with the pain from the swelling, and the drops and the blurry at best vision.

Today I carry on like nothing is wrong. Today, I place my orders for supplies for my business and set goals for August.

I set goals for July and surpassed them wonderfully.

https://jerseygypsypeddler.wordpress.com/2015/06/29/setting-july-goals/

Ill keep my thoughts on Fall, and make soaps and wreaths and bracelets and stock my stores. Ill keep hoping to open my own store, and strangely enough Ill hope that Im just sick and not “just going blind.”

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https://www.facebook.com/jerseygypsypeddler

Regards!