40 is Fine

“40 is fine when you look 29.”

40th birthday

Ill be turning the big 4 0 this week. This Sunday to be exact. June 5th. A Sunday my favorite day of the week.

But unlike a TV show, there will be no gathering of friends and family to celebrate me. No surprise cake and singing, no tears of joy at the overwhelming show of affection for me.

My own husband wont even remember. I’m sure, or maybe he will but he sure as hell wont do a thing to show me. He hasn’t in years, a lacking small gesture that cuts me deep every year. I mean really is a small cake so hard to get for your wife?

And friends, well I have none. Everyone, I’ve ever let into my life has used and abused this thing called friendship. And I have locked out all of them and vowed not to bring anyone new it to replace them. People just disappoint and hurt you and I’ve finally reached a point in my life where I don’t and wont allow it. Now, none of the people I do call “Friend” are so close they’d think to pop in with a cake. And the 2 people I do have that I call friends that might do this work hard all day on Sundays to support themselves, and their children and couldn’t even if they wanted to.

Family, well again none that would do a thing to celebrate me, betting my own mother doesn’t even remember its her first born child’s 40th birthday. No, she’ll probably roll out of bed at 1 pm and make sure see feeds her animals on Farmville though. My husbands family well they might remember but not liking or knowing me enough to know this 1 year Id rather not share my birthday with anyone else (my husband and mother in-laws b-days are days after mine and we always get jammed together) and definitely not in a hot way over crowded house where half the people there don’t even like me. No Id rather just stay home and fold laundry and dwell in my own self pity.

I don’t think its wrong to want this day, this one year to be just mine, to have my favorite cake, to be surprised and celebrated.

But hell like I said my life is not a tv show, No cards in the mail, no balloons or cake just like every other year. Other than the half hearted, Facebook happy birthdays from the hand full of people I’m actually friends with on Facebook, only remembering because Facebook reminded them. I don’t expect anything else.

It makes me sad. Not because no one remembered or because no one did anything but more because I wanted it.

In the end, its not important. I don’t really get over it but I do get past it. In the end 40 is just a number, its just another year I made it through.

In the end 40 is just fine, after all I really do only look 29.

A real housewife in New Jersey

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I hate the term housewife. I hate it even more so since these beyond ridiculous shows about women acting like high school children have come out.

 I am so much more than a “housewife”. I am keeper of all things. Money to lost shoes. I am plumber and IT specialist. I am mom and maid. Taxi driver and Escort. If you can think up anything a women could possibly be, yeah I am or have played that role at one point or another.

But you’re never going to find camera following me or me basking in 15 minutes of fame at any point, because the truth is a “Real Housewife”, well her life sucks, its not anything anyone would want to watch. I mean really, would you want to see me blogging in my spare time, washing laundry and cursing at my 6 year old after he just poured every bottle of everything he could find in my master bathroom down the drain?

Or maybe you want to see me trying (“Trying”) to run my online Etsy shop, and carve out something for myself and my future.

Even my marriage. Purely perfect compared to the dysfunction of what is on TV. We don’t even fight about the money we don’t have. 17 years and not one fight.

To be honest. I think the only thing TV worthy in my life would be me tripping on the treadmill. And though funny as it is, and it is funny. This too is maybe only worth 2 minutes of TV fame.

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So there is it, the quick and simple of Me. A Housewife in New Jersey.

Living just another day in paradise.

ps: Is spring break over yet? can my kids go back to school!!??

Regards!

Every Mile Matters

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I am an active person. I don’t sit still. I’m not sure if I even can. I first realized this when I was a teenager and all my friends would lay in the sun, they could lay there forever and I was simply bored to death, so Id pace and fidget.

Now as an adult, I walk, run, bike, hike, and paddle as often as possible. I love it. I feel alive. I often feel I need more motivation to rest than I do to run. I first considered myself a runner when I told a friend I try to get in a 5k a day (less rest days), and she said to me that shed die trying to run that, to which I replied “But its only 3 miles!” (3.14 to be exact). “only 3 miles” a phase I once thought too was a large distance, now I feel its never long enough.

If there is something worse than an addiction or obsession than that’s what I have for virtual races.

I have never cared for the crowded/over crowdedness of marathons. The over pricing of them, the time restraints, and really just all of it. I enjoy the solitude of running. I have my music on, and I just go. Its really just that simple. But I still longed to be part of something, and to even have a medal to say hey look what you accomplished. This is where Virtual Races come in…I can sign up to as many as I want, complete most in my own time, at my own place and pace and most run around $30.00 with some of that money going to charity. I am currently signed up for 4 with a list of nearly 50 to complete this year!

And it was by sheer chance that I came to join Hogwarts Running Club just this past Saturday evening.

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http://www.hogwartsrunningclub.org/

What a wonderful group of people all coming together to run and log miles for charity!

http://www.charitymiles.org/

Charity-Miles

I feel right at home with thousands of other fans of both Running and Harry Potter. I feel unbelievably motivated, as I pledge to run a 1000 miles this year. As I pledge to log as many personal miles as I can so I can help my house (Gryffindor of course!) win the House Cup. I pledge to join every event and be Perfect Perfect.

Now, I’m very new to the group, but they have made me feel as though I’ve been there all along. In this “club” I have found so much I’m excited for beyond running as well. They have set up A Common Room Page, Owl Post for post card exchanges, and a Mrs Weasley’s DYI page (just to name a few), ps: I simply love the DYI page since I am always making things and adding to my etsy shop. Mrs. Weasley and Id be bffs for sure! I actually just made (with a friends help and his laser etcher Charms that say “Miles Managed”! I’m in my heaven!

https://jerseygypsypeddler.wordpress.com/2016/01/06/another-favorite-project/

https://www.etsy.com/shop/JerseyGypsyEtsyShop?ref=hdr_shop_menu

And numerous other pages within the group, the amount of work that goes into this is above and beyond any I’ve seen for any other Virtual Race Clubs. A huge thumbs up to those who keep it all going!

Id like to encourage you to download the Charity miles app, its free. Log your miles (walk/run/bike/whatever), even if you don’t want to join virtual racing. Its for Charity and you know your phones going to be in your pocket anyway. And hey if your into Harry Potter and run, check out the link to Hogwarts Running Club because

Every Mile Matters.

Moving On?

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In December of 2015 I decided, I could no longer handle the disappointment of the people I was allowing in my life. People I called friends even though I realize now, as I knew but didn’t want to admit than, that they never were.

You know the ones. They never text you first, or ever. If they do they text an “lol” as a blow off response to really anything you send. You could have texted “My cat died” and these people would send “lol” in response. Or you always say “lets get together”, they response “yeah sounds great”, you go a step farther to “how about dinner next Saturday?” and they never answer, because “sorry cant” leads to you asking them when they’re free and they don’t want to be free, for you.

Here is the story of how ending this kind of bs and burning bridges has gone for me so far.

#1. Lets call her A. A had no phone, and I was her friend. Now she didn’t ask but excepted my offer to add her to my phone plan and she would pay the bill for her line every month. Fast forward 2 years. She never paid it, late fees and over charges piled up to the tune of her line costing me over $500 for the 2 years. A never texted me either, she never made any effort to keep up with me, “her friend”. And so I, with fair warning because I am not an asshole told her, I had to drop her line. She said okay, and that’s the last I ever heard from her.

#2. Lets call her S. S was someone I loved to hang out with. Even with her drama filled life being something I couldn’t stand, I loved her. I did nothing for her but be her friend, and confidant. All I wanted in return was the same thing. But as for toxic people with toxic lives S was/is Queen. A drug addict boyfriend and husband and a few other side pieces, a welfare con-artist, drunken, drug abuser herself. I looked past it all and I, again found I was always the one to say “lets hang out, lets go to the thrift store, lets go to lunch, come by for coffee”, and always to no answer or a blow off. Last I spoke to her I told her I haven’t heard from her in months, she replied with how her drama filled life was busy, yet failed to ever speak to me again. (ok she really gave me an excuse about how she has no help and had uprooted her kids yet again, the 4th time in as many years, I wonder how you can uproot someone who has never had any roots to begin with?) I think to myself that Id have helped if she had said she needed it… And again another bridge burned to the ground.

#3 Lets call them J&V. J&V are my kind of people. But turns out J is mister popular and if your not family or famous no time can be made for you. J didn’t like being told that I was sick of being blown off all the time. Making me explain in full detail what it means to blow someone off. I simply referred to my last dinner invite and how I was told yeah maybe let me get back to you, but alas nothing came and I had enough.

This is what it was. This is what I kept thinking having friends is like you put up with this hurtful shit.

Turns out, friendship is me making dinner plans for 5 friends, but no one, but two people show up. Those two, they came despite my many attempts to cancel, they showed up ontime and were happy to see me. Friendship is the message you find in your inbox that’s simply says “what’s up chicky?” Out of no where for no reason just a quik check in with you, even though she worked 13 hours that day came home to a messy house, of 4 kids plus a 5th she just took in, a single mom who lost her husband not long ago. She made time to check in with you, just to say hi.

Now that you “kinda” know the story of #1, 2 & 3. Can you believe I struggle daily with NOT reaching out to them? I don’t know why. I really don’t want them back in my life but I feel haunted like I should. Maybe its just the routine of it, I have after all been doing it for so long.

Is this the human condition to want people in our lives no matter what toll it takes on our own souls? If it is I cant understand. My life is not without people. I have a great husband, 3 kids, a big family. I have the 2 friends, true friends I have monthly plans with. I work, keep a very nice home, and I fill my time a lot with exercise. (along with a thousand other things)

The real kicker is…After I made the choice to just stop and let go of these (and a few other people) in my life, I have noticed doors open I didn’t see before. I guess I was so busy holding up both sides of so many relationships, I couldn’t see through the mess. I am angry. I missed out on so much. I can see it all so very clearly now.

But can I ever let go? Let go completely? So these people wont come to mind anymore. I don’t think so. I think I’m too mad. I think I’m entitled to be mad, at them and at myself.

I honestly feel no matter what you do a part of you is always trapped in the past, unable to move on from it. I believe some pieces of you remain so troubled it will haunt you for the rest of your life.

But these pieces also shape who we are, and they change choices we make in the future.

Will I ever find myself unhappy with the people I allow into my life again? Probably.

But for now its a very clean slate.

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So there is it…

Regards!

January 1st A Whole New Year

I have a “Love Hate” relationship with January.

Ill start with the hate. I hate the Un-Christmasing I have to do. Not the work of it but the emptiness it leaves behind. The house feels so empty and almost un-cheerful for a week or so afterwards.

I hate that January, for me , here in Jersey, rolls out that a long, cold, dead and dreary winter lies ahead. Nearly six months until the warmth of the sun will warm my skin.

Now for the Love of it. Okay, honestly only like of it.

I like that there is a feeling of hopefulness at the new year. That I can say to myself “this year…(insert whatever dream or goals here)”. That the full blank calendar calls out to be filled in.

I like that January is a time for me to organize (I LOVE to organize) and plan things, for my life and in my home. Most people spring clean, not me I do it now. I clean up and out with the old. I reassess things like friendships and dump people that bring me down, to the full point of burning bridges so they may never be crossed again. I take January as a time to gift onto myself what I need to make it another year.

Now I am very content with my life in many ways, 75% of it lies on the side of “no need to change anything here, husband, kids, home…” But there is still that 25% left for me, and I have a hope to see dreams realized, and goals met. For example the hope and dream I have for my business. Not only to create more and reach farther but what I set out in print, and blogged about only a few months ago.

https://jerseygypsypeddler.wordpress.com/2015/06/21/having-a-dream/

So here’s to January, may she be a great new start for all of us!

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https://www.facebook.com/jerseygypsypeddler/

https://www.etsy.com/shop/JerseyGypsyEtsyShop?ref=hdr_shop_menu

Regards!

Unfriended

I have never had a lot of Facebook friends, never needed to nor wanted to.

And as another year comes to an end I decided to clean house in that department. I went from 54 to 29 Facebook friends, even unfriending my so called bff (she hasn’t noticed or simply doesn’t care, I haven’t heard from her since Halloween). And that right there is my whole point.

I don’t want to be friends with anyone that wont notice I’m gone. And I do not expect anyone to notice right away, no one really has. One person though was so upset they pretty much unfriended me in real life because of it. Making what I did out to be a shitty thing to do to them. When in fact it had nothing to do with them and everything to do with me.

You see for the last 6 months I noticed I was the only one holding up both sides of all but two of my friendships, its like I had an open door, a room full of people but I was invisible! I decided to close the door after shoving everyone out.

Facebook isn’t what makes us friends.

A friend is someone that answers a text, or message or the rare phone call Someone that shows up to your invite on time. Doesn’t blow you off. Or even, as in the case of the two women I now call my only friends, not allowing me to cancel on them simply because no one else is coming.

This was my New Years Resolution for 2016, but I think its more of a gift to myself.

Only allow people into your life that will notice if you were gone.

https://www.etsy.com/shop/JerseyGypsyEtsyShop?ref=hdr_shop_menu

Regards!

DIY

I’ve always been a do it myself kinda girl.

But I’ve been getting my nails done since I was 15 years old (I’m 39 now fyi), by someone else. The last 10 years I had a great guy I just love doing them, and he was spot on perfect at it.

Wellllllll….he just moved out of state. And it had crushed me that after he went I saw two other people and HATED how they did them. I’m talking full on panic attack, omg you’ve ruined them hate here!

That’s where my do it yourself girl from inside took over.

I went out and spent, well lets just say A LOT on everything I needed. But in the long run this will save tons and tons.

I set out to do them the way I like them, thick, fake, squared off at the tip.

And I’m proud to say in under an hour, and in my husbands sweats (huge bonus right there)

I was able to get just what I wanted, just the way I like, no scratch that LOVE, them.

To me this is perfect a French Gel Overlay over my real nail, no tips. A perfect set of fake nails, and yes the other hand is just as perfect (lol)

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I couldn’t be happier!

ps: I have 3 years of cosmetology school under my belt from my fresh out of high school years. So I don’t wanna say run right out and spend the kind of money I did on every thing from a drill and light to gels and files and ect ect.

But I can fully attest that gels are a very easy product to work with, and with the bonus colors or any kind and fills whenever you need and well not leaving the house this winter, I am very happy about all this!

Regards!